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Title : Can You Smell The
Rain?
Author : Shawne
E-Mail : shawne@shawnex.freeservers.com
Rating : G
Category: VA, Mulder POV
Spoilers : none, but set Season Six, pre "One Son"
Summary : Mulder walks alone on a night heavy with rain.
Archive : As you wish - but tell me where. :)
Disclaimers : Even the rain doesn't belong to me, much less the
characters
in this piece!
Author's Notes : Some fluff disguised as Mulder introspection. ;)
Tell me if
your (shippy?) hearts feel like "singing in the rain"
after this. And oh
yes, thanks to everyone who read and gave me their valuable
comments - Lisa,
Toniann, Vic, Sqira A., Melis. What would I do without you guys!
==============================================================
Scully, I can smell the rain.
And I want to share it with you.
The night is cool, and the streets are quiet. Of course they are.
It's
almost two in the morning. I never knew the world could be this
beautiful
when shrouded in darkness.
My feet take me across town, past empty windows of closed shops.
I am
dressed casually, in jeans and a T-shirt and sneakers, and one of
my suit
jackets.
Tonight is a beautiful night.
I reached home fairly late today, tired from another day of
chasing more
ridiculous cases specially earmarked for us by Kersh. More big
piles of
manure passing themselves off as crop fertiliser in the hick
towns of Idaho.
The only bright spot in the day, as I see it, was having you fall
asleep on
my shoulder on the plane trip back. For a moment there, Scully,
you let down
your defenses, and reached out for the affection I so much want
to give you.
I could have believed, I think, at that moment, that the two of
us were
travelling together - not as partners, but as a couple. It felt
good,
sharing knowing and happy smiles with the obviously married pair
across the
aisle. When the sun rose outside my window, I barely noticed. I
was too busy
breathing in your quiet perfume.
The TV had been on when I returned, flickering eerily in the
ebony shadows
living in my apartment. I settled down before it, tired, and had
almost gone
to sleep myself when a light summer rain began to fall. I heard
the
comfortable friendly splash of water droplets against my window,
and moved
to open it.
I have always loved the rain - did you know that, Scully?
As a child, it was an enigma I could never completely fathom,
something
that came and temporarily removed the world's colours, turning it
drab and
grey. I would be prevented from going out to play baseball, and
so I would
sit by my window, looking out, wondering who it was that
controlled the Big
Tap in the Sky. I remember thinking it was one of the most
miraculous
everyday things that we often thought nothing of.
Even as a child, I never worried that the rain might never stop.
Not even
when it fell continually and shaded the world dull. Because when
it ended,
it always returned the colours to us tenfold, brighter, fresher,
more
vibrant than before.
The rain is not something evil or malignant. For some people, it
signifies
misery and sadness. But not for me.
For me, it washes and cleans away the cobwebs of a world tangled
in pain.
It does its work under the guise of melancholy and gloom, but it
still
represents hope. Because its restorative effect always helps me
remember how
transient things are.
The rain will stop, as eventually all the conspiracies and fear
and lies
must.
When it rains, the world is covered in secrets, and it is a time
for
thinking, for healing, for resting. Mysteries and hurt and
sadness might
come to life during thunderstorms, but just as quickly, they will
disappear.
Because rain also heralds the sun, because the cold must
eventually be
chased away by warmth.
So I pulled open my window today, and watched the water from the
heavens
reach us on the ground. I watched the vertical streaks spiral
down to the
pavement, soaking into the cement and spreading into the cracks.
The cool
wind that accompanied it seemed to blow the dust off a day that
would have
been written off as 'crap' in my journal if I kept one.
When the drizzle lightened even further, easing into occasional
short
bursts of rainwater, I still continued to look out at a world now
decorated
with sparkling beauty. I breathed deeply - I could smell the
rain.
There's a smell to the rain, a nice one, an earthy one. It's
something I
can't describe. But I know that other people like it too, because
there are
novels and books and TV shows which capitalise on the romantic
aspects of a
newly-laundered universe. When the rain falls and cleans
everything up, it
leaves a lingering smell.
It is one of the most beautiful things this world, so corrupted
by Man and
his toys, still has to offer.
I pick my way over wet grass, knowing that there will be stains
on the
cuffs of my jeans in the morning. The cool night air surrounds
me, and I am
at peace. It is a rewarding, if selfish feeling, that I am the
only one
awake to enjoy this.
But I cannot enjoy it fully. I need to share it with someone.
I want to share it with you, Scully.
I want to know if you enjoy the smell of the rain too, if your
world seems
brighter when the rain comes, and really does become brighter
when the rain
stops. I want you to walk with me on this quiet street, looking
at all the
sleeping trees and cars draped in dew. I want to feel your hand
in mine as I
explain why the rain cleanses, and how it makes everything right
again.
I want you to have everything beautiful this world has to give,
Scully...
because you have seen everything ugly that it has to offer.
Without really thinking about it, I know, in the back of my mind,
that I am
walking to your apartment. I don't know what I'm going to do when
I get
there. Will I wake you up with some lame excuse to keep me
company? Or will
I just watch your window from the bench on the street below like
I sometimes
do?
Scully, I don't know what to do anymore.
I wish you would tell me. But you almost never say anything that
might give
me hope. When you do, I always do something wrong a few minutes
later that
makes me feel undeserving of you and whatever love you might have
for me.
You are like the sun, I realise, as I walk alone in the night.
You are my
sun. You are always there, in the background, and I often take
you for
granted. You don't move, you don't budge... and you give me the
warmth I
would die without. As the earth revolves around its sun, I have
recently
realised that I move around you as well - I gravitate to you and
only to
you, because, as the earth and the sun understand each other, we
understand
each other.
When the rain comes and blurs the reality I live in, distracting
me from my
path with its loveliness, you always come and take that rain
away. So as
much as I love the rain, and its smell, and its quiet and
mystery, I think I
love the sun more.
It is amazing how much light you have to give me, Scully, because
it never
seems to end. And yet you never seem to want anything in return,
except my
trust.
I don't know if I can give you everything you want, everything
you should
have.
You should have everything good in this world. You should be
protected,
cherished, loved - taken seriously. If I could do all that, I
would. But I'm
afraid I would destroy you.
You should tell me what you want. Make it clear.
Because I don't know.
What can the earth give the sun, Scully? The sun gives
everything... life,
light, beauty. Yet it remains so remote, so distant, so
controlled. So
strong within itself. What can the earth give the sun, except the
rain and
the water that the sun evaporates and brings up to the sky for
company?
Scully, I can only give you the rain.
I reach your street, and move slowly down it, scanning the
building for
signs of light. There is nothing that indicates you are awake. So
I decide
to let you sleep. I sit down on the bench I know so well, lean
back, and
look up at your window.
The smell of the rain is more obvious here. It is stronger,
sweeter, more
beautiful. As if it sensed that you live here.
Can you smell the rain, Scully?
Because I want to share it with you.
------end------
You may proceed to:
(a) send me feedback
(b) read the reason I reposted this, "Chase The Cold
Away"
(c) do all of the above
and of course, (d) ignore me...
Thanks! :)
==============================================================
Added April 10, 1999
- Archived at Darkstryder's Fanfic Recommendation
Site (stories of 23
May).
- Archived at LixyQZiut's Site
- Archived At Nacillia's Fanfiction Archive